Do people care about other people? Is empathy a natural emotion? A uniquely human emotion? I finished reading Freud's Civilization and its Discontents and he made a point that the entire idea of the biblical verse 'Love thy neighbor like you love yourself' is absurd - but Freud has always been a bit of a cynic. I find myself both a cynic and an optimist. Though a skill, it is often quite a bothersome skill because it discontinues my abilities to have a true preference. So often I see both sides of the spectrum and I find myself able to have an understanding of opposing sides. At the same time there are some particular subjects where I have a definitive opinion -child abuse is one, rape is another, racism is another, polytheism/ atheism is another.
But even those subjects that can raise my blood level and have me see red I still get the other side. Somehow I understand. Is it because I'm Muslim, is it because I have such a kind and understanding mother, a reasonable father, 5 siblings, etc. Or is my empathy not unique. Was Freud wrong? Do we all truly have this deeply empathetic emotion inside of us. Is it simply that most of us hide it because where are of being hurt or feeling hurt or getting slightly.
The truth is, there is so much to be gained by tapping in to our empathetic emotions. Because if we all did it then we would all benefits. One of the greatest musicians Micheal Jackson who leaves a legacy that will probably be unmatched for a long time. But he will be remembered by many especially those who where directly effected for his empathy. He gave so much to charity, he felt so much for those hurting and he sang for them in his music.
Putting on another's shoe is not hard. We don't know what the future hold. The child who is abused may one day be your harsh boss, The neglected boy may one day be a rapist, the poor girl may one day be a thief. If someone -if many had show there empathy where willing to show there kindness we would create better human being. We would create a better world. Allah is my witness that people where created from two human beings, our mother and father so how can we not be empathetic towards each other when we are brothers and sisters.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Princesses and Super Hero's
There's a theme in many stories, especially princess movies and superhero comics of an alter ego. In Cinderella she is a servant in the eyes of her step mother and sister and then suddenly a princess in the eyes of the prince and all other at the infamous ball. Mulan is a common girl turns in to a male warrior by a little ambition and a change of outfit. Superman a hero who saves earth from its daily threats but is know by most as Clark Kent the reporter. And Batman the dark knight also a superhero is known commonly as Bruce Wayne the billionaire playboy. Lastly of my examples a story from the Quran (and bible) of Yusuf: When his brothers saw him rich and powerful in the land of Egypt they did not recognize him.
How do these character represent the complexities of identity. It a joke that many of us have probably washed away. How could you not recognize someone just because they change there clothes? Remember in Cinderella (the version with brandy) when the step sisters come back from the ball and she starts singing and imagining how the ball (that she of course went to) would have been. In the end she does a curtsy the same way she did at the ball and the step mother rages "the thought of you with the prince is laughable", "why" says Cinderella, "because your common .... and you'll always be common!"
The issue here, the larger picture as stated so clearly in this movie is the way people see us and the way we see ourselves. IN the movies and stories its not simply the change of clothes but it is a change in the role the character plays in the story. Who was once common is now beautiful, who was once a selfish and inconsiderate is now a hero, who was once weak is now powerful. It is such a large incongruence that outsiders cannot the character as one full person with the ability to leap in to different interests as a full person.
When others become so use to seeing us in one state it becomes nearly impossible for them to see us in any other way. We do this all the time in real life, we see people how we chose to see them and what we find convenient. Like the father who still sees his adult daughter as his little girl. Or the mother who sees her grown son as her little boy.
So how do we allow people to see our full selves, how do we live up to our ideals, is it healthy to have alternate identities. It is important to show your true self and be your true self but it is also important to wisely chose who to show yourself to. In the Dark Knight, Rachel, his love interest and Geoffrey, his butler both know of his identities. He trust them and they don't betray him. But how do we know who these people are that can be trusted? What character traits do they display? Well, first and foremost we know we can trust in God since God knows us completely and therefore does not find any discrepancies between different aspects of our identities. But who can we trust after God, friends? Coworkers? Mother? Father? Siblings?
Ideally we should and can judge people from there previous decisions and actions? When ask your sibling for help could you depend on them? When you told you friend secret did she keep it to herself? When you asked your parent for advice where they helpful? These are the answers that will help you decide who you can share yourself with and who you should be more sheltered with.
But what if were are unsure of ourselves. Many people get so caught up in one identity they don't realize how badly that are hurting there potential as a full human being. For example women use to be seen primarily as caretakers now we have completely thrown ourselves careers and are beginning to be seen as equals to our male counterparts. But each role has its disadvantages. If we are seen primarily as caretakers then how can women who want to work been seen as vital and productive to the workplace. But if we are seen primarily as workers then how can we be seen as useful and help to society if we chose to solely be caretakers? If we as women showed men that we are full people with different interest and are perfectly able of carrying out one or the other or any other responsibilities.
This characterisation is true for groups as it is for people. So you want to be a dancer but your in medical school -who says you can't do both? Being a doctor or being a dancer should not be the fullness of who you are, these are only segments of our lives. When we come back to Allah we will be asked if we believed in one God and his prophets, if we where upright and moral people. But whether or not where professional a doctor or a teacher, a mother of two or a father of five, took vacations every summer or not -are these the kinds of things that will effect our moral standing?
In anything we chose to do we have to do with integrity and morality but we can't limit ourselves out of fear of breaking expectations of others. Was not Yusuf the keeper of storehouses, a wisemen, a prophet? Was not Ayesha the prophets wife, a soldier, and an academic? Is not Barack Obama a husband, father, a basketball player and the president?
When our identities conflict with each other then it is necessary for us to find some congruence between these persons that we both claim as our own. For batman his two identities were becoming burdens because they were moral opposites was he a playboy who only cared about himself, or was he a superhero who carried the weight of the world on his soldiers and saved the innocent. For Spiderman his personalities where conflicting was he the tough guy who fought bad villains or was he a geek to afraid to even let his true emotions show towards the girl he loved. When we face these kinds of conflict we have no choice but to close the gap of incongruence or to chose between our identities which of our "masks" truly belong to us and which we should put down for good.
Allah (SWT) knows us and all our incongruences and discontents, Insha Allah he will help us chose the best of character befitting to ourselves. And when we do may he bless us with strength and courage to show our selves to those befitting of trust, our true sahabahs.
How do these character represent the complexities of identity. It a joke that many of us have probably washed away. How could you not recognize someone just because they change there clothes? Remember in Cinderella (the version with brandy) when the step sisters come back from the ball and she starts singing and imagining how the ball (that she of course went to) would have been. In the end she does a curtsy the same way she did at the ball and the step mother rages "the thought of you with the prince is laughable", "why" says Cinderella, "because your common .... and you'll always be common!"
The issue here, the larger picture as stated so clearly in this movie is the way people see us and the way we see ourselves. IN the movies and stories its not simply the change of clothes but it is a change in the role the character plays in the story. Who was once common is now beautiful, who was once a selfish and inconsiderate is now a hero, who was once weak is now powerful. It is such a large incongruence that outsiders cannot the character as one full person with the ability to leap in to different interests as a full person.
When others become so use to seeing us in one state it becomes nearly impossible for them to see us in any other way. We do this all the time in real life, we see people how we chose to see them and what we find convenient. Like the father who still sees his adult daughter as his little girl. Or the mother who sees her grown son as her little boy.
So how do we allow people to see our full selves, how do we live up to our ideals, is it healthy to have alternate identities. It is important to show your true self and be your true self but it is also important to wisely chose who to show yourself to. In the Dark Knight, Rachel, his love interest and Geoffrey, his butler both know of his identities. He trust them and they don't betray him. But how do we know who these people are that can be trusted? What character traits do they display? Well, first and foremost we know we can trust in God since God knows us completely and therefore does not find any discrepancies between different aspects of our identities. But who can we trust after God, friends? Coworkers? Mother? Father? Siblings?
Ideally we should and can judge people from there previous decisions and actions? When ask your sibling for help could you depend on them? When you told you friend secret did she keep it to herself? When you asked your parent for advice where they helpful? These are the answers that will help you decide who you can share yourself with and who you should be more sheltered with.
But what if were are unsure of ourselves. Many people get so caught up in one identity they don't realize how badly that are hurting there potential as a full human being. For example women use to be seen primarily as caretakers now we have completely thrown ourselves careers and are beginning to be seen as equals to our male counterparts. But each role has its disadvantages. If we are seen primarily as caretakers then how can women who want to work been seen as vital and productive to the workplace. But if we are seen primarily as workers then how can we be seen as useful and help to society if we chose to solely be caretakers? If we as women showed men that we are full people with different interest and are perfectly able of carrying out one or the other or any other responsibilities.
This characterisation is true for groups as it is for people. So you want to be a dancer but your in medical school -who says you can't do both? Being a doctor or being a dancer should not be the fullness of who you are, these are only segments of our lives. When we come back to Allah we will be asked if we believed in one God and his prophets, if we where upright and moral people. But whether or not where professional a doctor or a teacher, a mother of two or a father of five, took vacations every summer or not -are these the kinds of things that will effect our moral standing?
In anything we chose to do we have to do with integrity and morality but we can't limit ourselves out of fear of breaking expectations of others. Was not Yusuf the keeper of storehouses, a wisemen, a prophet? Was not Ayesha the prophets wife, a soldier, and an academic? Is not Barack Obama a husband, father, a basketball player and the president?
When our identities conflict with each other then it is necessary for us to find some congruence between these persons that we both claim as our own. For batman his two identities were becoming burdens because they were moral opposites was he a playboy who only cared about himself, or was he a superhero who carried the weight of the world on his soldiers and saved the innocent. For Spiderman his personalities where conflicting was he the tough guy who fought bad villains or was he a geek to afraid to even let his true emotions show towards the girl he loved. When we face these kinds of conflict we have no choice but to close the gap of incongruence or to chose between our identities which of our "masks" truly belong to us and which we should put down for good.
Allah (SWT) knows us and all our incongruences and discontents, Insha Allah he will help us chose the best of character befitting to ourselves. And when we do may he bless us with strength and courage to show our selves to those befitting of trust, our true sahabahs.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Childlike mind
I'm feeling brilliantly superior as I watch from below all the
civilians passing by. Can I sit here? A plesant looking white lady
asks. I've never asked someone for a sit in Starbucks even when its
obvioulsy available. I feel like it would be a violation of their
space. Being the pushing and people pleaser that I am I smile "yes" ,d
begin to place my bag and guitar on the floor. "No, no, no" she replys
"-I get one from another table". She does and begins to place here
pile of books on a table too small to be shared amongst strangers. I
imagine that her books knock over and spill my frappacino all over me.
That would be the perfect irony "thtas what you get for being nice"
I'd probably tell myslef. Then I use that as an excuse to never give
up a sit again -ha! In fact just yesterday I was on the train after
finally having got a sit , I sat my belongings down next to me. Then
about 2 stops later and agitated middle aged women "asks" me to move
my bag. The way she asked me was more of an inference as if I should
immediately move my stuff because she was standing in front the seat.
I was very tempted to say no, I felt no obligation to move my stuff. I
stood most of the train ride and only sat down after feeling faint ,it
was that time of the month, as my mother would say. But of course I
did not I indtead like a rebellious child moved my bags slower they
usual so she could sit her lovely self down. Why do we have to be
nice? I ask myself and why do some people feel that drive more then
others. It seems that my kindness usual gives me less space on a table
and childish thoughts of the sweetness of saying no.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
On Happiness
Imam Siraj once said (something to the effect of) 'how sad is it when our happiness depends on others'. I think about this as I reflect on my own life. I've spent so much of my life waiting for the right product or the right person to finally provide me with happiness. But what is happiness really? I feel like I've come to the conclusion that happiness is not for the one who seeks it but rather for the one who accepts it.What is happiness really? It is a feeling of completeness not a final goal but rather a state of being. Searching for happiness is the chief cause of unhappiness because happiness is not some kind of goal it is rather a choice. A poor blind ugly homeless man can chose to be happy. He can chose happiness just as a rich beautiful women can search for happiness and consistently come up empty.
I think that especially as women we still envision that prince charming is one day coming to rescue us from the high tower, evil witch, or scary dragon. We constantly feel as though we are missing a piece of ourselves and that there's avoid we need to fill. Not that we shouldn't want to be with our male counterparts but our desperation for happiness in a mate blinds us.
We all know that happiness comes from the inside out, But do we really believe it? Psychologists earn a living from working with advertisers to sell us happiness. Most time when I but clothes its because I want to achieve a feeling. I don't need more then one bag to carry my school books. I don't need more then one fall coat or more then one spring coat. Having an abundance of choices doesn't make me happy. In fact often times the overabundance of choice cause unnecessary anxiety on what could be easily met decisions.
I don't know what some mystical final happiness looks like. But I know how I feel when I stop searching for the definition. If I die today never having traveled, never married, without kids will I weep on my death bed over what never transpired or will I praise Allah for giving me all that he has given to me. Happiness is not a goal or and ending. There's no one out there who can hand me happiness. There's no husband or child who can give it to me and no career that can supply it. Happiness is not waiting to be found its waiting to be chosen by anyone who is willing to accept it.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Let the geese live!
A few weeks ago a brave pilot did the unimaginable act of landing US Airways flight 1549 on to the Hudson River in New York. The miracle on Hudson was one of the greatest acts of heroism this country has ever seen; the pilot Sullenberger deserves endless praise. But as Americans we do not simply praise the hero we must also take avenge on the villain. The villain in the case being the wild geese that flew in to the pilot’s engine like “a flock of bowling balls.” Since the heroic act of Sullenberger and his fellow crew members: government, animal activists and civilians have been debating what should be done with the “Geese problem”.The one answer most organizations and civilians have come to “kill ‘em”. David Feld the founder of GeesePeace, an organization devoted to the welfare and treatment of wild geese has suggested using a process of covering the geese’s eggs with corn oil which in essence kills the embryo, in other words an abortion for geese. This method is also supported by PETA and other animal “activists”. But let’s be clear this is the nicer of the solutions, the USDA Wildlife services handle geese “infestations” through gassing. At least the animal activist suggest a kinder way of killing them.
Being and animal lover myself I beg for a different perspective. Geese air strikes have sprang from 1,750 to 7,600 in the pass ten years. Begging the question, Are the geese simply becoming more violent? As with most changes in nature the answer is no, we are a direct cause of the geese’s behavior. In a recent Newsweek article Sharon Pawlak, from the Coalition to Prevent the Destruction of Canada Geese gives a bit of background to our present geese dilemma, “We build airports near wetlands… and homes near lakes… then blame the geese for getting in our way… Where do we want them to go?”
Our attitude towards forms of life we deem unworthy of respect goes beyond geese. Maybe many people believe geese to be irrelevant unimportant useless animals. This philosophy towards geese who “get in our way” extends to our behavior towards other cultures, races, and religion -anyone who we perceive as different or less then in any way.
We grow wary of anyone unlike us; we perceive them –wrongly, as threats and pursue them until they want to attack us. We scorn at women who chose to wear veils over there face. We laugh at cultures that are different from us, and we demonize others who hold different beliefs from ours. One major theme in all abuse is the diminishing of value to the abused party. During Japan’s conquering of China they referred to the Chinese as filthy dogs. When Europe conquered Africans, they called the Africans subhuman. During Darfur’s conflict in Sudan the Hutus constantly referred to the Tutsis as cockroaches.
When we diminish the role that every living organism –humans, nature, and animals, have on this earth we are subject to abuse not only of them but of ourselves. Killing the wild geese –which we almost did when they were driven to near extinction through hunting in1960, will have an effect on us in some form. We are so disconnected that we pollute our only home (earth) and somehow believe we won’t be affected. The waters may not rise and drive us to global warming. But if nothing else it questions who have become, our humanity becomes in danger of extinction. We have such great power over animals, with that power we must become there care takers. Why not look at them as if it was our baby brother who keeps coming in the kitchen we don’t treat them as if there in our way rather we find a way to keep them out of danger. We need to find a way to keep the wild geese out of danger. Use something on the plane engines to deflect the geese or some sort of preventative mesh to keep the geese from hurting us and themselves. And we have to stop impeding on there space. There’s more at stake then an airplane crash without our compassion and nurture we might as well be animals ourselves.
Monday, December 22, 2008
You cant always get what you want
So we hear it all the time. You can't always get what you want. But what about when the opposite happens, what about when you do get everything you want. Like you've been praying for something to happen then it happens and your like, uhhhhhhhhhh is this really what I wanted. Wait, I'm not sure take it back can I have a trial run.
Well love is usual like that you think you want it but as soon as it shows up it feels like the most inconvenient emotion you could own. Love is not simply about caring and thinking about another person. Love has to do with lots of work manual and abstract labour. Sure falling in love is great and as thrilling as it suggests. But when you own that love you forget that wasn't even the half of it. You start to think was it worth it? Is this what I really wanted? How will I ever know? Then you either settle and work at perfecting the love you have or you begin to search for that feeling again.
See love is not all fun, it takes real work. You have to continuously care about the person you claim to love. They have to be in your every thought an action. And for those new waves who don't believe it is true. Who believe that you can be completely independent, live completely separate lives and still have a happy marriage, I welcome them to check the divorce rate. See in the 1950's and previous women had a deep investment in taking care of there husbands and men had a deep investment in taking care of there wives. This was played out by the men working long hours, giving there wives allowance and money to shop. And he women in turn cooked cleaned and cared for their children. This to me is balanced. I know the modern women is horrified by my words but I ask her, what is the alternative? You and your husband being completely independent of each other?
I'm sorry but I deeply believe that any successful relationship has an element of need. This is why marriages fail, men and especially women are feeling that they no longer need each other. My anthropology once said women only got married for financial reasons but now that we can work we have no reason for getting married. At first I was horrified how could she completely disregard 'love' as a factor. But I think I'm starting to see her light. Women an men have to have an underlying reason of necessity in or to be involved in a life long relationship. Without society looking down on premarital sex and with women working people have less and less of a reason to get married. So what am I saying, there seems to be no concrete message in my thoughts.
Should women stop working? Should men alone bare the burden of finances? Should women go back o staying at home? Should men start giving there wives allowances again. YES! But probably not in the absolute sense, women should work less then there husbands and the husbands income should be the backbone of there finances. Besides for bringing balance to the male-female relations in financially uncertain time you need to know that you can live off of one income. There are many feminist who want to get rid of the gender roles completely. But it in not gender roles that are the problem but the belittle of women's roles and the superiority given to male roles. Being a active housewife who cooks and cleans is just as important as being a CEO. Being a stay at home mom is just as important as working in a cubicle. Love between men and women cannot exist without need and balance. Men and women cannot afford to take each other for granted and we will only grow more distant if we erase gender roles.
Well love is usual like that you think you want it but as soon as it shows up it feels like the most inconvenient emotion you could own. Love is not simply about caring and thinking about another person. Love has to do with lots of work manual and abstract labour. Sure falling in love is great and as thrilling as it suggests. But when you own that love you forget that wasn't even the half of it. You start to think was it worth it? Is this what I really wanted? How will I ever know? Then you either settle and work at perfecting the love you have or you begin to search for that feeling again.
See love is not all fun, it takes real work. You have to continuously care about the person you claim to love. They have to be in your every thought an action. And for those new waves who don't believe it is true. Who believe that you can be completely independent, live completely separate lives and still have a happy marriage, I welcome them to check the divorce rate. See in the 1950's and previous women had a deep investment in taking care of there husbands and men had a deep investment in taking care of there wives. This was played out by the men working long hours, giving there wives allowance and money to shop. And he women in turn cooked cleaned and cared for their children. This to me is balanced. I know the modern women is horrified by my words but I ask her, what is the alternative? You and your husband being completely independent of each other?
I'm sorry but I deeply believe that any successful relationship has an element of need. This is why marriages fail, men and especially women are feeling that they no longer need each other. My anthropology once said women only got married for financial reasons but now that we can work we have no reason for getting married. At first I was horrified how could she completely disregard 'love' as a factor. But I think I'm starting to see her light. Women an men have to have an underlying reason of necessity in or to be involved in a life long relationship. Without society looking down on premarital sex and with women working people have less and less of a reason to get married. So what am I saying, there seems to be no concrete message in my thoughts.
Should women stop working? Should men alone bare the burden of finances? Should women go back o staying at home? Should men start giving there wives allowances again. YES! But probably not in the absolute sense, women should work less then there husbands and the husbands income should be the backbone of there finances. Besides for bringing balance to the male-female relations in financially uncertain time you need to know that you can live off of one income. There are many feminist who want to get rid of the gender roles completely. But it in not gender roles that are the problem but the belittle of women's roles and the superiority given to male roles. Being a active housewife who cooks and cleans is just as important as being a CEO. Being a stay at home mom is just as important as working in a cubicle. Love between men and women cannot exist without need and balance. Men and women cannot afford to take each other for granted and we will only grow more distant if we erase gender roles.
Friday, November 21, 2008
The moderate muslims vs...The crazies?
I would never claim to be a moderate Muslim, because I adhere to the doctrine of Islam fully and completely or at least I thought I did. Either one of two things is true I am in fact a moderate or even worse a secular Muslim or every one else is just crazy.
Muslims can't vote, Muslim can vote. Muslims can't listen to music, Muslims can listen to music, Muslim men and women can't even look at each other, Muslim men and women can engage in conversation. I could go on and on, the funny thing is that you don't realize how different, different groups in the Muslim community can be until you meet face to face. When your around Muslims who are just like you of course you think your right and normal but when you come in contact with the other group its as if you've each been living in alternate universes.
Case and point I know drinking, gambling, sexual intercourse (outside of marriage) is forbidden in Islam. I know that believing in one God, praying five times a day, dressing modestly are mandatory. I've never worried much about the grey areas like music, or whether I can make dua after pray or if wearing makeup is haram.
But there is an alternative universe where the grey are is of utmost concern. Their are many Muslims who live their lives in this universe where every action is superbly analyzed and crucified.
Here's a sample argument between the so-called crazies and the "moderates": Music is haram. Why is music haram? Music is haram because it can change your mood. Huh?, OK maybe but so what if it good music, islamic music. Well then you can end up liking music more then Quran. Huh, what alright fine you win one for The crazies.
Sample two: The Bida argument. Bida is of course innovation to which the Prophet (PBUH) said "The best of the speech is embodied in the Book of Allah, and the best of the guidance is the guidance given by Muhammad. And the most evil affairs are their innovations; and every innovation is error (bukhari muslim 4.1885)." No argument from me. So the crazies go on to say for instance making dua after salat is bida because the prophet never made dua after salat. Wait a minute, bida to make dua after salat? Okay if you say the prophet didn't after salat fine I accept that, no one should ever add on any element to salat. But what if everyday after I made fajr I went out to get a cup of coffee is this bida, the salat has ended. But of course the crazies just repeat bida, bida, bida. And again they win.
Uh Oh, I'm starting to see a pattern. Final example, Voting is haram. Voting, haram. Yes voting is haram because all the Muslim needs is Quran and sunnah to live their life. OK sure, but which mayor will better help my city clean up its streets? Well voting is haram because America kills Muslims. Well Muslims kill Muslims. Well uhhhh.........voting is haram period. Well I'm voting. I call this a draw.
But whats the point though I do apologize for calling them crazy, they always wins the argument because the make you feel bad about yourself and their louder and they made the argument points and backup information before the conversation even began, and besides they might be right. Yes I said it, here's a little "moderate" Muslim secret, we're always afraid were wrong so we're willing to listen. We don't know beyond the shadow of a doubt that music is okay, but we also aren't convinced that all music is haram. Especially since I've been Muslim all my life, listened to music all my life and its never led me in to drink alcohol a gang, in to a fight, in to fornication. Heck one of my favorite songs use to be a song by Snopp Dogg about getting high and I've never smoked a joint or a cigarette. So the arguments just doesn't play out. Though I am still not willing to say music is halal either.
The truth is I don't want to be a secular/ moderate Muslims who think Muslim, Christians and Jews are all the same and we should all just hug. I don't want to be a Muslim who hugs her males friends or eats McDonald's, or curses and bares her cleavage. Secretly I admire the crazies, so much so I may just think of another name for them. I admire them because they are constantly striving for perfection. I don't admire that they are constantly looking for a fight and unwilling to even listen to another argument. There is and Islam that is sound and unarguable. But there are those grey areas where not every difference of opinion is an innovation. There's a place where every Muslim comes with the best intention and deserves credit for trying and forgiveness if they go astray.
Muslims can't vote, Muslim can vote. Muslims can't listen to music, Muslims can listen to music, Muslim men and women can't even look at each other, Muslim men and women can engage in conversation. I could go on and on, the funny thing is that you don't realize how different, different groups in the Muslim community can be until you meet face to face. When your around Muslims who are just like you of course you think your right and normal but when you come in contact with the other group its as if you've each been living in alternate universes.
Case and point I know drinking, gambling, sexual intercourse (outside of marriage) is forbidden in Islam. I know that believing in one God, praying five times a day, dressing modestly are mandatory. I've never worried much about the grey areas like music, or whether I can make dua after pray or if wearing makeup is haram.
But there is an alternative universe where the grey are is of utmost concern. Their are many Muslims who live their lives in this universe where every action is superbly analyzed and crucified.
Here's a sample argument between the so-called crazies and the "moderates": Music is haram. Why is music haram? Music is haram because it can change your mood. Huh?, OK maybe but so what if it good music, islamic music. Well then you can end up liking music more then Quran. Huh, what alright fine you win one for The crazies.
Sample two: The Bida argument. Bida is of course innovation to which the Prophet (PBUH) said "The best of the speech is embodied in the Book of Allah, and the best of the guidance is the guidance given by Muhammad. And the most evil affairs are their innovations; and every innovation is error (bukhari muslim 4.1885)." No argument from me. So the crazies go on to say for instance making dua after salat is bida because the prophet never made dua after salat. Wait a minute, bida to make dua after salat? Okay if you say the prophet didn't after salat fine I accept that, no one should ever add on any element to salat. But what if everyday after I made fajr I went out to get a cup of coffee is this bida, the salat has ended. But of course the crazies just repeat bida, bida, bida. And again they win.
Uh Oh, I'm starting to see a pattern. Final example, Voting is haram. Voting, haram. Yes voting is haram because all the Muslim needs is Quran and sunnah to live their life. OK sure, but which mayor will better help my city clean up its streets? Well voting is haram because America kills Muslims. Well Muslims kill Muslims. Well uhhhh.........voting is haram period. Well I'm voting. I call this a draw.
But whats the point though I do apologize for calling them crazy, they always wins the argument because the make you feel bad about yourself and their louder and they made the argument points and backup information before the conversation even began, and besides they might be right. Yes I said it, here's a little "moderate" Muslim secret, we're always afraid were wrong so we're willing to listen. We don't know beyond the shadow of a doubt that music is okay, but we also aren't convinced that all music is haram. Especially since I've been Muslim all my life, listened to music all my life and its never led me in to drink alcohol a gang, in to a fight, in to fornication. Heck one of my favorite songs use to be a song by Snopp Dogg about getting high and I've never smoked a joint or a cigarette. So the arguments just doesn't play out. Though I am still not willing to say music is halal either.
The truth is I don't want to be a secular/ moderate Muslims who think Muslim, Christians and Jews are all the same and we should all just hug. I don't want to be a Muslim who hugs her males friends or eats McDonald's, or curses and bares her cleavage. Secretly I admire the crazies, so much so I may just think of another name for them. I admire them because they are constantly striving for perfection. I don't admire that they are constantly looking for a fight and unwilling to even listen to another argument. There is and Islam that is sound and unarguable. But there are those grey areas where not every difference of opinion is an innovation. There's a place where every Muslim comes with the best intention and deserves credit for trying and forgiveness if they go astray.
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